do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
