Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
