Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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