I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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