I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
