Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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