She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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