I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
