My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I love you.
Bad choice
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
