there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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