My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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