and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
