You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
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She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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