Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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