I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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