you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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