whats a polygalesbian?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.