Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.