my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
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even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
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There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates