I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.