Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.

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  (804): omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh. (804): He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis. http://tfl.nu/8njp
  Replies (8) Good night (758) Bad night (2537)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?

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  (812): can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex? http://tfl.nu/5ngg
  Replies (10) Good night (3117) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before

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  (702): The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before http://tfl.nu/ogqr
  Replies (5) Good night (2615) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms

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  (716): speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms http://tfl.nu/8xzr
  Replies (9) Good night (4304) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.

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  (716): i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby. http://tfl.nu/gnwv
  Replies (35) Good night (4140) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.

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  (509): My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina. http://tfl.nu/xxcl
  Replies (9) Good night (2978) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.

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  (575): not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame. http://tfl.nu/c14x
  Replies (5) Good night (856) Bad night (2332) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.

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  (541): Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high. http://tfl.nu/kh91
  Replies (6) Good night (1501) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.

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  (816): Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/x2rq
  Replies (8) Good night (452) Bad night (1255)
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  (914): View more from New York

  just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow

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  (914): just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow http://tfl.nu/fqfl
  Replies (6) Good night (1234) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.

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  (903): You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss. http://tfl.nu/y1tc
  Replies (5) Good night (470) Bad night (1180)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant

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  (614): Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant http://tfl.nu/jhvb
  Replies (3) Good night (871) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.

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  (732): My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe. http://tfl.nu/2f1v
  Replies (2) Good night (452) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.

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  (778): Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here. http://tfl.nu/7as8
  Replies (6) Good night (1288) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.

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  (845): I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet. http://tfl.nu/5hoi
  Replies (4) Good night (719) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt

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