4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.