I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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