At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
