I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
