Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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