I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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