Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
