Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
