I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
