Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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