I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
