So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
