Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
