New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
