We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
