Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
