Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
