did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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