My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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