I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
