I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
