was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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