I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
