Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I AM VODKA MAN
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
