My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
