I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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