I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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