When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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