She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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