May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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