Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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