I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
