fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
