Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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