Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
