my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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