He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
