how can u be prego again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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