You really coming over, don't trick.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Randomize
