thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
