SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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