38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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