I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
