3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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