I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
