Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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