we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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