i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
