those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im holly from the hills drunk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
