turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
