he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
