Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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