I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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