they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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